Since Saturday’s rather long and heavy post, I have gotten so much love and kind feedback from many of you, so thank you for that ♥
I thought it was time for a little update – believe it or not, my life hasn’t been all doom & gloom recently!
Yesterday evening, I met up with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a few years to catch up and see how he was doing. We talked about our ghosts and why we’d had to let them go. I realised afterwards that I often underestimate the catharsis of a conversation. There are days when I second guess myself and the reasons for letting people go; was it the right choice? Talking about it with someone in a similar situation woke me up and reminded me that I had made the right decision and that by making it and sticking to it, I had become much happier.
The beginning of June was the hen do of my best friend from university, Emma, who ties the knot in less than a month now. Despite having to cut the trip short for myself because my brain decided to act up, I had a pretty good time while I was there. Our first night wasn’t spent in Paris at all, but in her lovely house in Eastbourne. It was a perfect, hazy summer evening and we spent it basking in the sun and drinking prosecco in her back garden. The anxiety I had felt the day before about travelling to Paris had been completely washed away and I was feeling happy and content. The day was made even better when Emma called me into her kitchen, sat me down and asked me to be her bridesmaid. Of course I said yes and we had a classic moment of hugging and screeching and crying until she dragged me upstairs to try on the dress!
I was only in Paris itself for about 24 hours, but what a 24 hours it was! We had tickets for a show at the Moulin Rouge on our first night, which we were all excited for. We got dressed up and took the Paris underground to the infamous venue. We grabbed dinner at an Irish pub next door and proceeded to do a bunch of shots before heading into the Moulin Rouge itself. We were sat on a table with a good view of the stage and a waiter brought us three bottles of champagne and a separate glass each. Yes, three bottles. At this point, I wasn’t feeling myself and so I was trying to avoid alcohol so I didn’t make it any worse but come on, I was in the Moulin Rouge! I had to at least have a bit of champagne!
The next day, the others went to Disneyland and I made the decision to get the Eurostar (which was an experience in itself) back home. I was gutted to miss the rest of the trip but I wasn’t feeling any better and I didn’t want to put a downer on the other girl’s fun. When I later saw all the photos of the rest of their trip, I felt disappointed that I hadn’t been part of it but looking back now, I made the right decision. And after all, I still have the wedding itself to look forward to! In less than a month’s time, I will be standing in the most beautiful wedding venue I’ve ever seen (seriously, I may have to steal it for my own wedding) watching my beautiful friend marry the love of her life. I’m so excited for it already & I’m not thinking about the crying mess I will most likely be during the ‘I dos’.
If you read my previous post, you’ll already know about my recent mental health team visits and the confirmation of my BPD. I’m already feeling a bit more positive about it all than I was a few days ago, surprisingly. I’ve been referred by the mental health team for more therapy and CBT. It’s been two years since I last had it and I found the sessions so helpful when it came to my thinking patterns and behaviour, so more sessions can only be a good thing. I was a bit disappointed in myself when it came to my medication; my dose has been so up and down in the past nine months that doubling it seemed almost like admitting defeat. But of course it isn’t. Recovery isn’t linear and setbacks are part of that. I like to think that each relapse is simply another road being revealed, one that will get me closer to being better for good.
On a much nerdier note; the brand new add on for Final Fantasy XV comes out tomorrow – Episode Prompto!!! There’s still so much more I have to say about that game, especially with all this new content & storyline being released, so I feel like another post on it in the future is inevitable. And, speaking of Final Fantasy, I have already purchased my ticket for 2018’s KupoCon! I fully intend to have finished my Lunafreya cosplay by the event so I can wear it in all it’s glory.
Next week, I’m off to see ‘Dreamgirls’ at the theatre with my colleagues from work and best friend. I haven’t been to the theatre since I dragged him to see ‘Romeo and Juliet’ last year so I feel like this is very overdue. Plus, I love having an excuse to get all dressed up and go out, so ‘Dreamgirls’ is just what I need.
That’s about it for the update guys, but I’m feeling very inspired at the moment and I’ve got a few posts planned already, so keep an eye out!
Until next time ♥
P.S. ‘Hello June’ image is not mine, but the Bride’s Squad photo is. Please do not use without my permission.